Basically the title.
Not to trauma dump, but my mom died almost exactly a month ago. I was with her for her last hours and it was…as peaceful as it could be, honestly. The facility was so nice and the hospice nurses did a wonderful job at keeping her comfortable. But her lungs were pretty damaged from the flu and lung cancer, so there was also a lot of gasping and breathing struggles, and the last two hours were especially rough (for her and for me).
I know I have some kind of acute traumatic something or another because of it. I can handle the daily intrusive thoughts and I do try to sit with my feelings as they happen.
But the nightmares are terrible. Out of the 29 days since she died, I’ve had nightmares for at least 23 of them. They range from disturbing to straight up “waking up feeling like I’m actively being chased by a serial killer” panic-inducing.
I have them at night, and I have them if I take naps during the day. It’s getting to a point where I’m afraid to sleep because I just don’t want to see those things or feel those feelings.
Has anyone else dealt with this? When did it stop for you?
P.S. I’m in therapy, and I know everyone is different. I’m just trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
I lost my dad 5 years ago this month. It doesn’t get easier, but it does get less “every day”. I still occasionally dream about him, but less often. I still sometimes have anxiety “can’t sleep” times, but less often.
I snuggle my dog and my teddy bear and that helps. I also sometimes take an as-needed anti-anxiety medication when I really need some help, and it both knocks the anxiety down and makes me sleepy.
I also listen to podcasts to help focus my mind and get me to sleep. One I used to use is “nothing much happens”. She tells a story with lots of detail but little of importance, like a trip to the market, the fruit she picked up, the smell of the apples. Then she tells the same story, in the same words, again, except slower.