Basically the title.
Not to trauma dump, but my mom died almost exactly a month ago. I was with her for her last hours and it was…as peaceful as it could be, honestly. The facility was so nice and the hospice nurses did a wonderful job at keeping her comfortable. But her lungs were pretty damaged from the flu and lung cancer, so there was also a lot of gasping and breathing struggles, and the last two hours were especially rough (for her and for me).
I know I have some kind of acute traumatic something or another because of it. I can handle the daily intrusive thoughts and I do try to sit with my feelings as they happen.
But the nightmares are terrible. Out of the 29 days since she died, I’ve had nightmares for at least 23 of them. They range from disturbing to straight up “waking up feeling like I’m actively being chased by a serial killer” panic-inducing.
I have them at night, and I have them if I take naps during the day. It’s getting to a point where I’m afraid to sleep because I just don’t want to see those things or feel those feelings.
Has anyone else dealt with this? When did it stop for you?
P.S. I’m in therapy, and I know everyone is different. I’m just trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
First, you’re not alone. Second, it’s almost three years out from my Dad’s passing - the dreams are rare now, but still there. A month is no time at all to process. When you get past the probate (if you need to), and close the estate, that’s when you stop just endlessly grieving and start healing and moving forward.
My suggestion? Fight the depression and other stuff holding you back. Form new memories, physical and social ones. Go hiking on new trails. Join a sport. Join an in-person RPG group. Do new things. Meet new people.
By giving your brain more new stuff to deal with, you’ll have less time to dream about her.
same here, nearly three years since Dad passed. seconded, a month is barely a blink in grief processing.
great advice on forming new memories and bonds. i hope to take that advice myself eventually.
thank you for sharing
That seems like very sound, proactive advice. I feel like I’ve been caught in a sort of stasis since she passed. I go to work, I come home. The only variation has been when I need to go to the store.
My husband and I are planning on going back to the gym soon, and I am scheduled for a D&D session next weekend. Writing with some friends is really my only hobby, and I haven’t been doing that, so I will try to get back into it. Because you’re right. Sitting in the grief with nothing to do or look forward to hasn’t helped so far, so it’s time to try something new.
I thank you, truly.