My ex was Latina, and when we were getting to know each other I mentioned I’m pretty introverted, and I had to explain to her what it meant. She said it doesn’t exist in Latino culture and there are no Latino introverts. I told her she probably calls them alcoholics. That seemed to resonate.
While not the stereotypical extrovert, I experience the opposite in my country.
I think, on a world wide scale, I would be considered very introverted, but by Danish standards I’m too social. I’ve become more introverted over time because it is too exhausting trying to get something going with people around me. Danes make all their friends in their youth and then they close the gates at 30 and never allow in any other new friendships or acquaintances ever again. And if they do, it’s against their will.
We moved into a new neighborhood five months ago, and I still don’t know anyone. Our closest neighbors have politely demonstrated that they desire to not know me despite my attempts at getting to know them and I am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable.
It really sucks, because I always dreamed of having good relationships with my neighbors and inviting people over for cook outs or something. But Danes are hermit crabs.
I had it confirmed when I befriended a Ukrainian refugee who told me that in the two years he had been a refugee in Denmark, I had literally been the only Dane to bother to get to know him and been friendly and open to him. Told him that I’m also a very shitty Dane.
So yeah, I dunno what it’s like to be an introvert stuck in an extrovert society. But I do know what it’s like to be extroverted introvert in a hyper introverted society and that sucks as well, because you end up becoming very, very lonely if you don’t hit the jackpot with evergreen friendships when you still have your milk teeth.
As someone from the northern European countryside, you’ll never fully fit in. You need to have at least several generations of
incestfamily ties to be seen as a true native. Best you can hope for is “they’re alright for outsiders, I guess”.What helps, if you want to fit in better, is joining the usual clubs. At my place, that meant (for men at least) things like voluntary firefighters, men’s choir, and tennis/football clubs. Also, show up on traditional festivities and events, and be prepared to drink. Functional alcoholics are suspicious of people who don’t drink with them, so if you cannot or don’t want to keep up with them, excuse yourself early and say you need to drive/take care of your kids/work tomorrow early.
Actually, half of that advice goes for any context, not just rednecks.
I’m not sure if I communicated things properly in my first comment, but based on yours, it almost sounds like you think I’m a foreigner, which I’m not! :D I’m Danish born and bred. Sorry if I was unclear, but that was kind of the point of my original comment, that I’m somewhat of an outgoing person in a hyper introverted society.
I will also say that while I do crave social connections, I’m not interested in meeting new people just for the sake of it.
I have plenty of good friends and a nice social network. The thing is that the closest friend to me lives an hour away. The furthest one lives on a different continent. I have often joked that the closer friend I am to someone, the further away they live.
So for me, the goal is to just become friendly with neighbors. Not to go out and join a bunch of clubs or festivals or go to pubs and meet people there.
When it comes to alcohol, I would be cool with having neighbors over for a beer in the garden or something like that, but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics. I have seen my fair share of people who’ve ended up on that trajectory, and that’s not the type of mess I want to invite into my life.
As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away. And that’s part of the problem, because the people I’d potentially meet there, will most likely also live far away and then I have done nothing but add to the list of friends who live too far away for casual, neighborly relationships.
I think your suggestions are fine for someone who just moved to Denmark and have zero network and just needs to get out there and look for anything and everything to build a foundation on. That’s not me, though xD
This is all from my experience as someone who moved to the countryside as a kid, so, feel free to disregard anything that does not match your situation. I am writing this in the hope that it’s useful, but knowing that it might not apply. I have never lived in Denmark, and if the people are similar to Frisians, I can imagine how it is.
I am not sure if I misunderstood you or not. I am born in this country as well, as are my parents and their parents, we all look clearly European, speak the regional dialect and so on. But we made the mistake of moving from a city to a village about 60km away. That already means we count as foreigners in the minds of many people.
If your family does not have ties to the village you are in, or at least to the neighbouring villages, you are a foreigner. Of course, it is mostly old and grumpy people, but it is what it is, sadly. It’s even more stupid than the “normal” racism.
As for joining clubs and such, there isn’t a lot of interesting clubs in my area and those that seem interesting are at least an hour away
No, my point was this: if you want to be part of the “in group”, join the local club. Even if you don’t like it, if you think the people are stupid or if you are not interested in the topic. The goal is not to find new friends, the goal is to be seen as “Nangijala from the tennis club” and not “Nangijala who just moved here, 20 years ago”. Even then, some particularly stupid people will barely tolerate you, be prepared that they’ll still do some things without you because your parents did not go to the same primary school.
Then, of course, there is the whole idea about not having the same interest. Narrow-minded people are narrow-minded, and with the local club or tradition, the goal is to be part of the group. It’s fine to have weird interests, as long as you have some things other people and you can connect on.
but I’m not going partying with people who are “functional” alcoholics
Your mileage may vary, and certainly, things are moving in the right direction even compared to 10, 20 years ago. Over here, heavy drinking is quite socially accepted, because many people are unable to have a genuine conversation or be interesting while sober. A few permille of beer, and they will be more accepting, open, and “funny”. Unfortunately, it is the great social lubricant, and some people never learned to enjoy company while sober. I also don’t really see the point in that, I am not against alcohol and the effects of a beer or three in good company, but I’ve seen it being pushed to another level in village festivities.
I am self aware enough to know when to just let it go and avoid thing becoming uncomfortable
They simply don’t yet know they want to be your friend. Abduct them and bring them on an adventure, use that time to learn how your lives can mesh together.
You can’t go wrong with motorcycle journey and/or hiking up a mountain.
You aren’t wrong! Only problem is that I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle and we don’t have mountains in my country xD
But in all seriousness, I genuinely think they don’t want to know us, and I want to respect that. Maybe they will warm up to us eventually or maybe we will remain strangers, but I’ll continue to smile and wave whenever I see them. So far the only living beings who’s given a fuck about us are local birds, who use our garden for nesting, a neighbor’s dog who spent the first three months of us living here, barking at us everytime it saw us and a neighbor kid who was super chatty about princesses one day when we were out gardening.
The dog doesn’t even come over to look at us anymore. I’m actually starting to miss him barking at me every single day. The only time he came out barking recently was when a delivery guy came to drop off a new fridge for my boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, Mr Dog could bark. The driver was scared, while I was low key jealous. Like bruh, at least he acknowledges that you exist, mate. Do you know how devastating it is to move in and getting used to this big dog greeting you everyday and then one day, all of a sudden, he just stops giving a fuck about you and ignores your presence??? It’s bad enough that the human neighbors pretend I don’t exist, but now even the guard dog is like: bitch, you boring.
Dx
My boyfriend thinks its awesome that our neighbors don’t care about us and would hate my dream scenario of casually inviting people over for a beer or coke on the veranda and chatting about whatever.
It’s not like I want people to run through our house all the time and us never getting any privacy, but I would like to have spontaneous chats over the hedge a couple of times a month at least. Even every second month would be cool. But you can’t force people to want to what you want, so eh.
A community isn’t just a bunch of people with good feelings towards eachother, look for mutually beneficial relationships. Clearly he has no use for socializing in and of itself, is he mechanically inclined? Ask him for help or just advice with a car problem, bake extra bread and give him some, do you both have kids? Theres common interest in discussing whatever is going on with them.
I am aware of that. The thing about Danes is that we aren’t inclined to have communities. In some places, communities are easier to build than others, but Danes are generally uninterested in putting time and energy into community stuff. Which I understand. On one side, we just arent a social people and on the other side our jobs are mentally draining so many people just want to go home at the end of the day and scroll their phone, eat some food and watch a film or play video games.
There isn’t much power left to do community stuff on the side. I think a lot of people would like to have a lively community, but barely any want to put in the work, so it is often up to the few to keep something going and then maybe people will show up and enjoy what you spent time, money and effort on, but they will also leave when the fun part is over or when they get bored and they won’t help cleaning up either.
My boyfriend used to be a chairman in a little hobby organization for years and he did so much for that organization and people did fuck all to help him out. When he left, they had to get four or five people to take care of the full responsibility he had taken on because not one person could be bothered to do everything he had done on his own.
I have heard similar stories from friends and colleagues who try to keep their local community alive. One trains football for local kids and the neighborhood parents don’t do anything to help out. He gets nothing out of it other than the kids getting to have comradery, but it’s basically an unpaid part time job he’s taken on because he believes in community even if the community doesn’t think they need to do their part.
Where I grew up, we were actually blessed to have good neighbors on our road, but we also lived very isolated in the countryside and actually needed each other more than the people needed one another in the village. Both our families also happened to be newcomers from other parts of the country and that automatically excluded us from the wider community in the area.
I really am not kidding when I’m saying that unless you grew up with people in an area, you will be friendless. That goes for local communities too. You can’t move into a neighborhood and expect to become a part of it even if you put in the effort. You can be lucky to be accepted, but don’t expect it.
It is a very common thing for Danish immigrants, refugees and those who come here for work, to complain about how closed off Danes are. How it is like standing in front of a fortress when you’re trying to get to know a Dane.
That’s why making baked goods or asking for favors probably wouldn’t yield any other results than my neighbors reluctantly accepting to help and then go back to their house and close the door when it’s over.
Because I have definitely considered the baked goods thing, but hopped away from that idea, because you do not just come knocking at somebody’s house unless it’s an emergency.
One of my colleagues attempted the baked goods thing in her neighborhood at one point and was quickly deterred because the neighbors didn’t react well to it.
A girl I’m dating fits this person’s stereotypical description of latinas to a T. And she also considers herself introverted 🙄
Latin American introvert here, I can’t begin to tell you how much my life changed for the better when I realized I just hate people and have no real reason to pursue extrovert goals. Also people like you more when you’re not trying.
This comment played the opening riff to “Solitude Is Bliss.”
I felt this way in my own home culture as well. I grew up in a red bubble in a blue state in the US, where the underlying currents were no more than “conformity and hometown pride.” Oddly, the only things to be “proud” of were conformity itself and high school football (the pride-surrogate of adults with nothing better to celebrate.) It was all so hollow, and when 9/11 happened it all turned up to… well, 11. Being 12 and saying, “I don’t think this war makes sense” was enough to ostracize one’s self and be bombarded with the brain-dead argument of, “iF yOu hAtE AMURICA tHeN yOu cAn JuSt LEAVE!” Yeah okay, parrot. It was always obvious the kids just absorbed whatever mindless take their parents said (which was, itself, picked up from other people or Fox News.)
Man, thinking of my hometown always brings out a rant… Anyway, I grew up always feeling like a stranger in my own home, bullied and cast aside for not being like the rest. Thank goodness I was able to GTFO and meet people who use their brains as more than a copy/paste bin for other people’s thoughts.
lol. same upbringing. nobody understands how common this is in most of small town america. probably because they only ‘small towns’ they are familiar with are all the tourist spots, which are not really small town at all because they are full of city people.
i went from being suicidal everyday to actually being happy and feeling good… because i got out. I was in tears i was so happy my first week in college, of being free from all that horrible ignorant bullshit. people really do not get how utterly provincial these places are.
god my primary/secondary education was so AWFUL too. nobody in the entire system had any legit knowledge. it was all just deadbeat losers whose biggest goal and achievement in was going to a pro sports game and being bitter about life that other people actually did something with theirs.
sadly a lot of my friends dropped out of college because it was ‘too hard’ to think for themselves and they ended up moving home, getting shitty local jobs usually working for their dad, and just popping out 2-3 kids by 24 and just repeating the cycle.
god my primary/secondary education was so AWFUL too. nobody in the entire system had any legit knowledge
lol i know that feeling. that’s why i studied so much, to bring the knowledge into the world.
I appreciate anti-fascist a lot but anti-fascists despite also getting opposed for it I appreciate even more.
I grew up in the US from the age of five and the level of culture shock that hit me in kindergarten when no one knew who the fuck Manchester United was and that’s not a real jersey etc etc etc. it had Best on the back and everyone thought it meant i thought I was the best and I still remember that feeling today.
Op would love Finland. Only ever talked to one stranger (who is now my wife) and the only thing we shake is the umbrella. And booze, well you will need it too.
introverted and alcoholic? Please tell me more about this wonderful place called Finland
Their mountains so lofty
Their treetops so tall
Eating breakfast or dinner
Or snack lunch in the hall.
Nah they don’t have any mountains in Finland. The trees are great though.
Only ever talked to one stranger
Scandalous!
no. Scandinavian
What is the umbrella reference about?
Umbrella gets wet. Ya shake it. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Oh my god, I feel so dumb. I really thought you had just made a typo and said shake instead of share.
Sharing doesn’t sound possible, or at least would require an unwieldy parasol or something.
I think all of my umbrellas can fit two if a couple, and three if everyone is okay with rubbing torsos.
Mine cant. Even with this latest safety distance-nonsense of just 2 meters.
Is that a Finnish thing or just the first thing you thought to shake?
There is no innuendo if you are looking for an innuendo. He’s literally talking about shaking the rain off an umbrella. He’s happily married and neither his wife nor he like to dance so they don’t shake anything but their umbrella. Get it?
Finnish people do not shake hands.
What else do you shake on a fairly common basis, I suppose you also shake the bottle to get every last drop out. So it’s bottle or umbrella.
Polaroid picture
Hey ya
When you go inside you shake the water out of the umbrella so it doesn’t drip inside your house. Yeah, that’s it, no reference or anything.
Yeah but like, is that somehow Finnish?
Yea finnished being in the rain
I think you’re confused why he brought up shaking anything at all, what you’re missing is that he brought up shaking an umbrella as a reply to the OP image that talks about shaking booty aka dancing.
The Finnish thing is that they don’t shake booty. The umbrella being the only thing they shake was just a way to highlight that they aren’t dancing like Colombians.
It’s worldwide. Everyone around the world who has used an umbrella has shaken rain off an umbrella. Are you an alien from another solar system?
Maybe from Saudi Arabia? No umbrella-shaking in Saudi Arabia.
go to google.
type in “rainy day in Saudi Arabia”
click on images
It’s referencing back to the original post about girls shaking their asses
Relatable, I grew up in Turkey while not nationalist. (By anatolian standards, at least)
Plot twist: anon is actually 1% Latino 90% Greek and 9% German and doesn’t like spicy food.
Colombian food isn’t spicy. Spice is high in like Mexico and Central America but that’s not universal across Latin cuisines ex. I know an Ecuadorian who can’t even take a sprinkle of black pepper without having to fan their mouth. Will happily eat vigorously salted green grapes, green apples or green mangos without batting an eye though.
I’ve travelled to a few countries in Europe. Spain may not be Latin America, but it definitely seemed to have a noticeably more extroverted culture than the other countries I visited: multiple strangers started talking to me on the streets and in grocery stores and such, even though my Spanish is terrible, and I remember even the bus drivers being particularly friendly.
regions of the USA also are vastly different in this way. i’m from the northeast and its’ offensive to randomly talk to people, but in the south or west it’s considered offensive not to. the only people who will randomly talk to you are either mentally ill, or sales people.
i lived on the west coast for a couple of years and it was so fucking weird there.
Visited the American Northeast as a Swedish person. Dude at Chic-fil-A asked me how my day was. I’m like “whaaaat?” Great sandwich though but I still think about that young man’s pep.
Finns are like „hold my beer”: Neighbours stand at the same bus stop for years on the way to work without exchanging a single word.
I remember also being in Tromsø and getting a little book about the do’s and don’ts in Norway. One piece of advice in it stuck with me: only speak when you actually have something worth saying.
Love the North and the Nordics.
he was probably a tourist.
It’s a similar experience being an introvert who isn’t into sports in Australia.
I’m mostly baffled that when people don’t even understand the concept of “not liking sports” I have a lot of smalltalk at work with dudes and it’s always something like: wait, so you have no idea who won the football game? What happened?
Oh i don’t watch football.
Never?
Nope, i have never seen a football match.
Huh. So you just watch the big games.
No, never.
But you watch the World championship.
No.
Not even when your country plays?
Is it still millionaires chasing a ball in a really boring manner? Then still no.
It’s not even just sports, somehow, some people can’t comprehend that someone doesn’t like or even know of “insert mainstream thing”. C’mon, stop pretending you don’t know famous artist who sells out stadiums. For fucks sake, why would i? I maybe read their name at some point or maybe a song was once playing in a mall, but other than that we don’t live the same life.
Turns out these people identify with the teams and feel a victory as if it was their own. The “We won!” crowd. Some other folks have a stronger separation between self and other and don’t have any emotional attachment with some sports team that did something.
Turns out these people identify with the teams and feel a victory as if it was their own.
to be fair, they make financial contributions to the club via merch, ticket sales, etc, which in turn impacts the success a team can achieve by spending that money
I once talked with my date about football and she said, well, when there is a really big game, she likes to watch, otherwise not really. And i asked why, it’s the same game. And she said, she doesn’t really know, she just likes to cheer for a team and hopes that they win. Which i found interesting. It’s like gambling, but boring and stretched out. When i was younger and people asked me what my team was, i always asked which team is the best, or winning, and that was my answer. Then you get so much shit for being a bandwagon fan. Like dude, you are cheering for a team that has been losing for 10 years like your life depends on it, get a grip.
Fine, if you don’t like sports we can talk about the stock market. Tesla and Palantir, bro. Oil futures to the moon. Selling reverse vix puts. Alpha beta gamma I’m going to be rich.
I often think about just fighting fire with fire.
Do you think the God emperor is needed to power the warp or is that juat propaganda?
What do you mean you don’t know warhammer?
So you only know the lore before the warp?
Surely you know the Horus heresy?
That’s weird, there are like 300 books about it.
Do it.
Man, those crypto bros somehow have even less self awareness than the sports dudes
What’s your favorite looks maxxing hammer?
Can’t go wrong with the classic sledge
“Ball-Peen” hehehehe
I hate that the end of every news segment on radio and TV ends in “sports”.
Sports is not fucking news. Stop wasting our fucking time perpetuating a tribalist game
What exactly did you think the political section was about?
Sport is politics in Europe, at least. It’s important who you support because sports clubs are often tied to political movements.
You don’t want to support Lazio, for instance, and Real Madrid was Franco’s club.
Anyway, politics is also a sort of game as you say.
Football hooliganism must be the endgame of “everything is political.” I see it as something to preferably be avoided personally.
Not every European country. I’d wager it’s mostly Southern and Eastern Europe where that is the case.
True, though there’s also FC St. Pauli (antifascist) vs Hansa Rostock (neonazi). Can’t think of anything from Denmark, off the top of my head, or the UK. Not much of a football fan tbh.
In the UK it’s tied to social class rather than political party.
indeed, came to point this out, nothing much has changed in 1000s of years though. Pie 'n footy os the new Bread 'n Circuses.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_and_circuses
Juvenal originally used it to decry the “selfishness” of common people and their neglect of wider concerns. The phrase implies a population’s erosion or ignorance of civic duty as a priority
Loving in Has main a the biggest concern of the public is a es AFL football stadium and yet we have the worst health outcomes, the worst educational outcomes etc etc
Loving in Has main a the biggest concern of the public is a es AFL football stadium
Have a small aneurysm there?
must’ve played too much AFL
I’m an ambivert. I’m also not particularly into watching a good percentage of sports, but I’ll pretty much go to anything if a friend asks if I want to join them going to an event or even just watch it with them somewhere.
Doesn’t really just apply to sports either, up for anything really: gigs, art exhibitions, hikes, cinema, visiting a random town for some reason, you name it.
Firstly, I can’t exactly knock something until I’ve given it a good go, but more importantly for me, it’s time I get to spend with one/some of my mates and might result in some good memories. Reminder that introversion is not the same thing as social anxiety, introverts generally also like to hang out with their friends.
Plus I also like photography, so random days out are a good way to get pictures you wouldn’t otherwise.
Oh yeah, I definitely know the difference between social anxiety and introversion. Social anxiety is when it’s intensely uncomfortable to even talk to my dad, or my partner. Introversion is being capable of having a nice day all on my own, but still being totally up for hanging out with friends, as long as I get time alone often enough in between.
Ironically I even like sporting events if me and my friends are actually there in the stadium. The feel of the crowd is magical. But that’s not really about the sport
And extroverts can be socially anxious. I need to go out and talk to people and do things, but fuck am I awkward about it
On the other hand, growing up in this kind of culture, I’ve now been forged into the rare introvert who can dance, sing, and has amazing people skills when needed.
It’s draining, but useful.
Vulcan ambassador: “I am getting a good grade in party, a thing that is normal to want and possible to achieve.”
I understand anon. I understand. 😶
To be fair, if you go out to a loud party you’re not likely to meet many introverts there - they’ll all be at home, unless their own extravert friend dragged them out to the party.
Was going to say, I’ve been to more than a few parties with the Introvert Corner. Half a dozen folks just hiding in the kitchen or on the patio, trying to survive the night with minimal social contact.
I wish that would become an official thing. Someplace quiet and with dim lighting that isn’t because people don’t want to see closely the making out, but because the room is better with some darkness.
That was me, then I moved to Australia where I’m considered a blabber mouth extroverted.
Australia is reserved? Dude, I work with a whole slew of them, and reserved is maaaybe the case at work. Anytime I catch them they’re wild.
