I was raised to address strangers and those I wish to show social deference to as “Sir” or “Ma’am”. It’s a difficult habit to break, as it is deeply engrained.
What is an equivalent gender neutral honorific that is relatively common in English? If I can’t break the habit I’d rather have a substitute word to use instead of an awkward pause in the middle of addressing someone
I’d just use Google to ask but I’d rather ask the people directly rather than an AI generated answer based off of Reddit threads
ETA: I suppose if Yessir and Yes’m work, Yesn’t could too? Mostly joking… but maybe… 🤔
I use “Captain”. It has been met with 100% success.
Came here to say this, or “cap”
M’theydy
Hat tipping intensifies
Avoid honorifics with “there” (e.g. hello, sir - > hello there) or drop. Otherwise use boss, friend, chief or captain depending on vibes.
Marcie calls Peppermint Patty Sir, so maybe that works. Only half joking.
Yo!
Folks. It’s my go-to.
Found Obama
I think boss works decent as a neutral way to respectfully address some body in a position of authority, I have refered to many a manager and or client as “boss” when I dont know know their name
“OI CUNT” 🇦🇺
Scotland approves 🏴
I use Mx or Mxtress with my Owner
How exactly are u pronouncing that? Like Mx = “em-ex”?
I kinda do Mix which they don’t seem to mind
Sorry for the non answer, but here’s a little rant:
Honorifics should go away. They unnecessarily create and restate hierarchies that don’t really need to exist.
On the receiving end, it has always felt weird being called “sir”. A smile is more than enough, thank you very much.
If a person who knows me calls me “sir” I ask them to not call me sir. I loathe being called sir lol.
I like to use “dude” or “guy” in a neutral way.
Some people who aren’t men have a negative reaction to being addressed as “dude” or “guy” nowadays. There’s been a lot of writing about it online by women and non-binary folks, and some people in my life IRL have expressed that feeling as well.
“Guy” and “dude” had been all-encompassing gender-neutral terms in my head for ages (I grew up in the 1980s-1990s when we were all dudes) but I’ve been making an effort to switch away from using them that way because I like my speech patterns to be kind by default.
M’dude.
I often say ‘man’ as an affectation regardless of gender, but today I accidentally said “thanks man” to an obvious trans woman at the kitchen store and felt really bad but she pretended not to notice.
That can be the challenge with Chief as well, it’s often said in a masculine context. Boss and Captain don’t have the same challenges (although penal culture can affect when Boss is appropriate to use)
I was told “dude” counts as gender neutral these days, but people seem to differ in opinion on that one.
Just invent something. English isn’t even a strictly gendered language. Just don’t expect anyone to want to use a lame word like xir or some other derivative hipster shit you gotta stick the landing. You can just choose to create new words and see if something catches on noone will stop you from trying. People do tend to be masc or fem for a reason and probably don’t want to be treated like something inbetween so keep that in mind.
I like that in Battlestar Galactica, Sir is the honorific for all military officers. They use madame for the president, but the military calls everyone Sir.
That’s not strictly a scifi thing, it was a prevailing real-world military custom for a long time to address all military superiors as “sir” regardless of gender. These days the thinking varies, and as women have been integrating into the military for many generations now in more and more places women officers may be addressed as “ma’am.”
Ok so reading the comments, from Appalachia, and I didn’t see it about anyone specific.
So the reason why nothing seems correct is because nothing new will have the same level of cultural history. If you’re trying to show social deference to people things like “friend” or “pal” won’t work, and “chief” sounds too informal.
You can still use “sir” and “ma’am” under most circumstances, so the question is more about your circumstances.
Are you trying to find something that replaces those honorifics all together, or do you want a backup third option in case someone says they are non binary?
Are you still in the same culture, or have you moved to a culture that doesn’t emphasize honorifics like you were raised with?
You’re amazing and so are your questions.
I’m looking for a third option for sir/ma’am, and a substitute for Chief that’s a bit more formal.
The culture I’m in now is not as formal, this isn’t so much finding something to work within the culture of this area as it is to marry my culture to the one I find myself in. I have very little to connect me to my people here and so the traditions I choose to keep are more important as a result. I like saying sir/ma’am. It’s the verbal equivalent of holding the door open for someone. But for some people being addressed that way is invalidating, and I want to meet people where they are, not force them to come to me.
I like Magister as a third option for Mr/Mrs., and Professor as a more formal Chief. But sir/ma’am has me stumped
Try using “Captain”. It has a high level of prestige and dignity without feeling too informal like “Chief”.
Well if you want to keep a similar motif, Cap’n is vaguely formal, vaguely military esque, and it’s gender neutral. Could be seafaring or land based.
You probably won’t find anything with the same level of formality as sir/ma’am, so you’re going to have to compromise a little bit on that front, but I think people will like the attempt regardless!
Reminds me of Dana calling Dr Robby «Cap» on The Pitt.
Not OP but I think that’s a darn good suggestion.
I truly admire your intent in this quest of yours. Admirable.
♥️
I would recommend asking the person what they prefer, for people you know ahead of time are non-binary. For people you don’t know ahead of time, choose whichever you think is most likely, apologize if you get it wrong, and ask them afterwards what they prefer.
Unless it is adopted widely by society, any third option will likely be met with confusion, and will still likely offend some people.
For a suggestion of a third option, however, might I offer “boss”? Slightly more formal than chief (in my experience), gender neutral, and allows you to make it as playful or respectful as the situation needs.
Just be aware that there are some slavery/prison connotations to boss in the US and some might be offended.
Was not aware of that! I’m assuming it is a South/West thing? Never encountered that in the North East
Mostly southern but definitely prisons as well. Predominant in chain gang type situations. An example more people might be familiar with would be Morgan Freeman’s line “bathroom break, boss?” in Shawshank Redemption when he’s been paroled and working at the grocery store. Yes, it’s from a movie but it’s also a reverence more likely to resonate. Shawshank takes place in the Northeast, hence prison…uh, “culture”.
Yeah, I’ve heard “boss” used in prison movies and such, but I’ve also heard it in places of employment (even when the person isn’t the supervisor or boss), between customer and service worker (both directions), with strangers (“Watch your step there, boss, there’s a sudden drop”). Never saw anyone offended by it in my own experience, so it’s news to me (and good to know) that there could be groups out there that are offended by it.
I only mentiomed it as a precautionary thing. I use boss all the time and can hardly recall receiving negative reactions, but it might be received poorly in other places. One of many downsides to living in a redneck state is that some intolerable shit is normalized.
As a foreigner whose native tongue has gendered nouns and adjectives: we default to sir to sir-presenting people, ma’am to ma’am presenting, and "sir? ma’am? " when unsure and clarification is needed.
I do not understand why you’d want to preemptively force gender someone by choosing a neutral/or newspeak/ form of address - to me it seems much much much worse than defaulting to asking for preference (“sir? ma’am?” option is the best - it declares you’ve noticed the interlocutor is a nb and passes the ball to them).
If you’re looking for 1 word that would always work, I recommend embracing your inner old British Lady and calling everyone pet (petal), dear or love. :-)
Clearly we need to start adopting Japanese honorifics that way we can just call people -san.
There’s like, 20 or more honorifics in Japanese. I think that -sama is more culturally equivalent for the Appalachian sir/ma’am, but those honorifics, iirc, usually have to go with a name or a job or something, while the Appalachian sir/ma’am can be used with strangers.
