lol I mean it’s kinda easy just go to someone in a bar, crack a few jokes get their number and you’re good to go after a while it’s not rocket science boys
Yeah even I’m a beautiful girl and I was just laying here an hour ago thinking how much I want to have sex right now but the problem is when there’s nobody around to have sex with. That’s the problem.
Sup.
My boss told me this is due to the skills shortage.
skill issue huh, shame
I think I can see what went wrong here. The therapist is probably trying to disrupt their internal narrative but hasn’t established the baseline trust. Confrontation can be important in therapy. Sometimes, people can get the idea that their agency doesn’t matter, that they are just the sort of person who doesn’t get to (lose weight/have sex/get that job/etc.) and part of a therapist’s job can be to get the patient to break down that belief by questioning it, but if they haven’t established the necessary trust with the patient, it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
Context and tone are so important in therapy. I had trouble with a new counselor because she was far more challenging than my last one, who was more about building my confidence. She kept pushing, lightly, until I defended myself — I told her that suffering isn’t a competition and how I feel is valid — when I realized she was trying to get me to own my emotions when I was almost disassociating. She’s better than I initially thought, and she treaded that line very well.
The problem is that it’s bad fiction.
Yeah the “you didn’t really try” can be super dismissive from a stranger. Or it can be a positive message like “you are stronger than you think” coming from a friend. But I don’t think even coming a friend you’d get that, when you are down the hole.
When you actually try, what goes wrong ?
Yeah, and I think the better way of phrasing such a thing is “you’re defeating yourself before putting in a good external effort.”
I remember being young, a virgin, and struggling to get laid. And yeah I really thought I was trying, but it was more like I was trying to try. I wasn’t chatting people up, I wasn’t going out, I wasn’t socializing much at all, and when someone literally fell into my lap hitting on me I pushed her away. I was dealing with my own mental issues and while I wanted to get into a relationship or even just laid, those issues stood firmly between me and actually trying. Hell, it had turned out I had been hot the whole time.
This is the only sensible response I can see in the whole comments section. Lot of replies from people who think a therapist’s job is to cheer you up with a wholesome pep talk and send you on your way.
Sometimes a pep talk is what you need. Sometimes it’s a harsh reality check. The quality of a therapist is partly determined by their ability to know when one or the other is needed.
i wish a lady would interrupt my narrative with her baseline trust.
*thrust
it just comes across like a trollish comment on the internet, a random attack from a stranger who might not only not be doing it for your best interest but even to be hurtful for their own amusement.
And Only time and repetition will be able to tell if it’s in good faith or bad faith.
therapist is offering to suck his dick and he’s just not getting it
That’s the gay part. Fake: man goes to therapy. Gottem.
Fake: Anon would read David Smail’s How To Survive Without Psychotherapy before going to therapy
Straight: She then “suggest” hypnosis for his not getting laid problem. Then over many sessions while she is planting post-hypnotic suggestions and triggers, she turns him into a mindless obedient drone towards every women he meets, even when it is inconvenient for him.
so you’re asexual?
I want to have sex, I just haven’t
So, quick note, you can be asexual as in have no attraction to anyone and still be open to sex and horny. “I just haven’t found the right person yet!” can be it and you don’t understand the difference for decades.
That sounds more like aromanticism.
You can want sex but not be sexually attracted to anyone.
Yes, that’s called aromanticism. You can also be attracted to people without wanting sex, which is usually referred to as asexuality. You can also be both.
That’s what I said, that is asexuality, not aromanticism.
(But yes, aromanticism is close and it’s tough to figure out the difference if you have one or the other or both because the two are often thought to be the same thing)
I’m with the therapist. You couldn’t possibly have wanted sex for that long and not gotten laid. It’s just sex.
If this is true, OOP probably had some long unresolved trauma and/or underlying guilt religious indoctrination or obesity, low self-esteem or depression or something similar holding him back for that long. Not sure if this greentext was a word-for-word quoted conversation between a real-life patient & therapist, but if so, that therapist’s credentials need to be revoked. More likely the conversation was an imaginary one from some OOP’s lazy self-deprecating imagination.
So at what point in your life do you get a coupon that guarantees free sex?
Usually with a therapist or other people, there would be more likely of asexual erasure than questioning how I would have not gotten sex yet
Such empathy
Demisexual erasure, as per usual.
Fake- anon talks to girl
Gay- anon goes to therapy
Nothing makes someone feel safe and heard like a therapist completely unable to comprehend that something considered socially embarrassing is possible. If you have a friend like this, heathygamergg on YouTube is making some amazing dating videos and thinks helping someone date is something simple every therapist should be able to do. Maybe not quickly but as he put it, a 5 year goal so you aren’t as desperate
You also have to take into account that is a very high possibility that what this guy is doing is being creepy and a “nice guy”, and whether intentionally or not is pushing anybody who might be potentially interested in him away.
I’ve seen it with one of my idiot friends. He’s perfectly nice normal person and you can have sensible conversations with them but whenever it comes to hitting on girls he goes all pick up artist on them. Of course if there’s one group of people who can’t hit on girls it’s people who watch pickup videos on YouTube.
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Satisfaction not guaranteed!
Therapists with specialties seem to dislike it when their client doesn’t fall under that umbrella. I had a therapist whose specialty was child sexual abuse. I told her I didn’t experience any and she defensively snapped “Are you sure? Maybe you don’t remember it!”. I did not stick with her for long.
I swear some therapists exist just to teach you to stick up for yourself by being lousy at their jobs.
when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail and stuff
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
"are you sure it’s that you just weren’t a hot enough kid? "
"how does it feel to know your parents/relatives didn’t find you sexually attractive enough to abuse you? "
Story of Mr(s) Garrison’s life.
What do you even supposed to say to that.
I’m pretty sure it never happened but I guess I could have forgotten, I guess, if you want.
To be fair, black-hole-ing a traumatic memory absolutely happens to people. That said, that reaction is absolutely not how to go about resurfacing that kind of thing. If anything it needs to be handled with way more care than self-reported trauma.
Nope. This was mostly a psychological fad in the 1980s that led to many ruined lives from false accusations. Even the Wikipedia page starts off by saying the phenomenon has been largely discredited. Many people still believe in it but the vast majority of cases of “repressed memory” cannot be independently proven outside of the patient and therapist and in many cases are actually contradicted by externally verifiable facts.
aka all the 1980s/1990s lit on alien abduction was based on this crap and using ‘hypnosis’ to ‘reveal’ it.
it makes for good story telling, which is why it became a staple of TV dramatizations.
Are you sure? Cause mostly I hear the idea of repressed memories being bullshit.
See the Satanic Panic where a bunch of people suddenly “remembered” being forced to do Satanic Rituals at daycare
I have very few memories of my dad being abusive to me, family has told me stories and I remember none of them but I know they happened.
I have repressed memories, but that was intentional on my part and its not like it undoes the C-PTSD. Just means I don’t wake up in a cold sweat anymore like I did when I was 10, the memories are there and can come back with the right trigger but they are luckily rather scarce.
I just wish I could do that to the embarrassing shit I’ve done over the years, and there’s one happening right now FUCK. It’s like I have a cursed version of Nenios ability to forget in Pathfinder wrath of the righteous.
It’s a thing. It’s because Traumatic™ memories are stored differently in your brain than normal bad memories. Essentially the part of your brain primarily responsible for digging up memories doesn’t have the connections it world normally use to call up the memory, but the connections within the sensations and experiences of the memory still exist. That’s why a person can “unlock” these memories.
You have to be super careful trying to dig these things out though, because it is absolutely possible to accidentally lead a person into false memories.
Informational and episodic memory are stored in different parts of the brain and recalling episodic memory also involves the emotion centres but I don’t think a happy memory and a traumatic memory are necessarily stored any differently.
How does PTSD fit into repressed memories?
Apparently Traumatic™ is different from traumatic with no emphasis. I am not a neurologist but it’s my understanding that you can sit people in fMRI (or other brain activity monitoring systems) along with other monitoring systems and watch the difference between a normal memory and a flash-back. Like the Traumatic™ will function differently in ways you can measure. I learned about it from The Body Keeps the Score but I haven’t read further than that. If you have resources that aren’t too technical let me know. Some of what was in that book was pretty soft science, but the Traumatic™ memory stuff was pretty hard as far as I could tell.
This is obviously fake and gay™, but PSA: if something similar happens to you IRL, it’s not therapy being useless, it’s therapist being an asshole and genuinely harmful to their patients.
Not sure if it’s the case here but I seen a thread at some point where tonnes of men were staying they had a bad time with a female therapist and had a much better time after changing to a man.
Maybe this is just one of those examples.
I wonder if a lot of women just don’t understand men all that well?
A lot of men don’t understand women all that well, so I can see how that tracks
From my experience, being an asshole does not correlate to gender
From my experience being inconsiderate to male problems does correlate with gender.
To be fair, shared life experiences make it easier. Training and experience should be able to compensate it, of course, but they do make it easier.
Probably goes for all genders, with male therapists having a harder time understanding female patients.
It’s fair to expect every therapist to be better than this.
Yeah OP should say “1 therapist is useless”.
The problem is you don’t know if your therapist might be an asshole before speaking to them.
You just look for a new one then right? I dunno how it works in other places around the world but we don’t have to sign up for an annual contract or anything here in Japan.
Sure, you just look for someone else, but it’ll take a while, and then you don’t know if your new therapist is also an asshole. And the last interactions with therapists have left some scars that might discourage you from even looking for a new one. Besides the mental health issues that you have might already make it hard to just pick up the phone, which doesn’t make looking for a new therpist easier.
In Germany, it’s a nightmare to get a therapist in the first place. I called every number available to me, each of them was packed to the brim. Even the waiting list was full. Save for one, who I was able to at least talk to, but she didn’t reach out to me in almost a year now.
So basically, you need to have insane luck to get therapy. Hearing some people jump from therapist to therapist just like that sounds almost like an utopia.
Apparently, German men would die of having a mental breakdown when on a waitlist of seeing a therapist than actually getting therapy
Generally speaking people who need mental health help are going to be more easily discouraged by a negative interaction than the general population even if they can afford therapy in the first place. In the US at least there’s also a shortage of therapists, meaning you might have to wait a long time to see anyone at all. And in my experience there are a lot more bad therapists than good ones (though assholes of this level are probably rare).
Honestly if it were me I’d just save myself the trouble, read a book on CBT and get some antidepressants. But that doesn’t work for everyone.
Yeah this sounds pretty believable to me there’s a lot of shitty therapists
And in most places, you can and should report a therapist who did this.
Yeah.
Turns out, a whole lot of therapists are actually fucking hacks, but they’re also really good at gaslighting.
Therapist are like toothpaste. You keep trying another one until you find one that you like.
It took me half a decade to find my first therapist (that would be covered by insurance and accepts new patients (the German health system is fucked)). But I do believe I got quite lucky.
You should see the finnish system… there is no therapist on sight to point of being illegal by basic constitutional rights, and still nobody bats an eye nor do you get any treatment that helps.
I like my toothpaste like I like my therapists, twice a day and in my mouth.
Most people would say shoes …
I just switched to a new toothpaste.
How is it?
A little too minty.
On to the next one, then.
I still got most of a tube to work my way through. I think I’m going try the cheapest colgate next.
I recommend whatever the cheapest Sensodyne is.
Mint is milder than Colgate. Active ingredient is Strenuous fluoride which is better for your teeth and bonus points it reduces sensitivity to hot/cold
In my experience, Colgate tends to leave a feeling that the teeth and mouth are still not as clean as they should be — at least the cheap varieties do. That’s while I scrub in there for like fifteen minutes.
In comparison, everything feels squeaky clean after Blend-a-Med. But idk if it’s widely available outside of the Europes.
$2 tube of Colgate w/ baking soda & peroxide. All you need.
Do you like cinnamon? I switched to cinnamon paste and floss, because my cat loves mint. I didn’t know it existed until I just searched out of desperation.
You don’t like your cat checking your breath?
I do like cinnamon. So much so I just restocked my Wrigleys big red supply. I don’t think I want cinnamon toothpaste though.
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So green text got a shitty therapist and needs to get a new one. Pretty normal, really.
had a therapist try to get me to realize Jesus is the answer to all of life’s problems. At the time I had been going to a christian church all my life. like yeah, OK Debbie, I like Jesus too, but praying it’s making me have less OCD behaviors I want need to start coping with or breaking so it stops ruining my life.
