That’s fair. I’m thankful for your perspective - food for thought. You’re right I’ve not seen that section of society from that angle, though I have a sibling who went through addiction. They were a “functional addict” and were working throughout, so I’m aware of that angle, at least. That was all decades ago now, though their partner had a relapse after an operation when they were given opiate painkillers. I think you’re being hard on yourself though - and I don’t know your circumstances, so I don’t know how you got into that mess, but although it’s easy for outsiders to frame addiction as a personal failure, I think the circumstances that led to that path are often ignored. I see such problems as a systemic failure, rather than a personal one. I’m glad you got clean of the class A’s, it’s no small achievement, and I hope you’re making progress with the rest - though I understand that Nicotine is perhaps the hardest of all to kick. I do think you have a bit of survivor bias there, though. One thing I’ve learnt recently, is that not everyone has the same abilities to get through - I know you’ve seen chancers, and you managed to get through, but I don’t think it’s true that everybody could have taken your path.

For myself, I’m getting help from the CAB, so we’ll see where that goes. I start 1-to-1 support next week with the local “Autism Hub” which is an entirely new thing to me - I’ve never “been in the system” before, so it’s an “interesting” learning curve. I have ups and downs - the past few days I have been far better, but I keep relapsing due to factors outside of my control - mainly caused by said system. I just need the time and space to recover properly, but I don’t know if I’m going to get it. Purely “mental health” things are something this system seems hell bent on denying, so I’m expecting a continuing struggle. I have no choice but to push on.

I can assure you it’s far from easy to get PIP, as I’m going through the process at the moment. It’s degrading and stressful (which is the thing I’ve been told to avoid) and seems entirely arbitrary. The application process is opaque and assessment is not performed by medical professionals. If someone IS getting PIP, they have jumped through MASSIVE hoops to do so. If you think they’re “cheating” then I challenge you to try to get it yourself. You really seem to have no idea.

I hate your reductive “if they’d just” rhetoric, whether directed at drug use or other “simple to solve” difficulties that are, in practice, far from simple to solve. You see an outward symptom as the root cause, and you also fallaciously assume that even if that IS the root cause, that it’s easy to solve. And before you assume that I’m one of those people “doing drugs all the time”, I’m not.

I started working in 1985, and I’ve worked right up to July last year, when I got ill. Prior to that, I seldom had time off sick - I had less than two weeks off in the past decade.

Listening to “Down in a Hole” by Alice in Chains whilst reading this… seems to fit. Thanks for this. Food for thought.

Yep. Currently working through Autistic Burnout, and one of my symptoms is Dissociation. Whenever I’m slightly stressed or concentrate hard on something, it kicks in. My head feels a bit “spinny”, but I’m not dizzy; I feel a bit “high”, but without the pleasant buzz of weed; when I move around, I kind of feel like a floating balloon on a string being pulled round by a toddler. My interoception (internal sense) is terrible at the moment, so I don’t get body maintenance signals like need to pee or drink, until I’m almost desperate, and I feel emotionally numb - I mostly seem to only “feel” strong negative emotions, positive ones if felt at all are pretty distant. I also get visual snow - like TV static in my vision - and a “laggy” feeling, which is often independent of, but somehow connected with the dissociation, which feels like living in a 3D game with too low a frame rate - my perception of my movement becomes stuttered, almost like there is a strobe light on, and it feels like I’m moving through treacle. It’s a bundle of fun.

Edit: I’d also intended to say, but I got distracted by my cat asking for food, that I hope you feel better soon. I’m sorry you are having to live through this. I find for me, it takes a few days to a week to wear off after I’ve been stressed - it seems to peak a day or so later, and then peter out over a number of days, as long as I avoid stress. I hope you can avoid your trigger.

The court has decided not to tell the jury that the trial for the accusation of burglary will result in terrorism sentences if they are found guilty; the defendants have been told they are not allowed to state their motivation of preventing the production of weapons that were to be used in the ongoing genocide in Gaza, and the press was gagged from reporting on it.

In other words, it was going to look to the jury like it was purely a burglary, but the defendants were going to be sentenced for a different, much more serious crime, and no-one was allowed to talk about it. This is because in the previous trials, most of the defendants were acquitted by the jury, because the defendants used the crime of conscience defence.

In 2011, I worked in West Bromwich, greater Birmingham, UK, on Birmingham Road, where it joined High Street. The news had been reporting on riots starting in Tottenham, London, and it was said that they were spreading. One lunch time during this time, I went out to get lunch from a great Indian sweet shop called Dhillons that did an amazing Samosa Chaat, which was about 5 minutes walk down the road from our office. As I got closer, I could see a crowd and police further down the road, not far from the sweet shop, and coming towards me. Then I saw smoke, and turned around, and went back to the office, without my samosa chaat. Loads of busies with full blues and two’s on (police cars with sirens and lights on) started whizzing past, towards the trouble, and this continued all afternoon. When I left, the air was cloyed with smoke, and the street towards the sweet shop was cordoned off. The next day we learnt that the sweet shop got smashed up, and their van was torched, one of many that got hit. Nearly got caught up in a riot!

We don’t have a TV at all.