SadSadSatellite

When I open Facebook every 4 months, I’ve always received several pokes from a guy named Keith, who’s been referred to as my uncle.

You got uncle keithed too?

Cross out “of PC gaming” and you got it.

If you live somewhere it’s dark in the morning, start school an hour later. Don’t demand the entire populace fuck up their sleep schedule. If DST wasn’t already implemented, it would sound like an insane overcomplication to solve relatively simple inconveniences in the modern age. No matter what the clock says, you only exist for a certain amount of time every day. If you want to get up earlier or later than usual, do it by yourself and leave me out of it.

Etouffee. Best with crawfish and sausage, but chicken, shrimp, mushrooms, whatever proteins you have work.

Mince two onions, put them in a wok or large pan with 1/2 cup of butter or oil, and keep them moving over medium low heat so they don’t brown. When they start to lose their structure, add 3 staulks of minced celery and keep going. When those lose structure, add 1 and 1/2 minced bell peppers, green and or red. Cut the other half pepper into strips for later. Keep stirring until you’ve got a good slurry.

Now add 2 Tbsp of flour or GF flour, and again, keep it moving, until a nice yellow roux forms.

The hard part is over now. Add a cup of broth, (chicken or shellfish, are best, but vegetable works) stir it up and let it simmer. If you’re using sausage, add them in whole at this point. If chicken, add in strips or chunks.

Now rinse and clean two cups of rice, and set it aside to soak in 3.5 cups of water, or 2.5 water and 1 broth.

Chop up a bunch of parsley, like a cup or more, and 4 garlic cloves. Use Italian parsley, curley is a garnish and doesn’t have enough flavor.

Add half the parsly and garlic and another cup of broth to the pan, and simmer, stirring occasionally. As it reduces, keep adding broth. Your going to end up using about 4 cups total.

Put the rice in a pan and heat until boiling in the water/broth combo. Reduce to the lowest setting and cover.

Take the whole sausages if you added them, and cut them up and put them back in. This is when you would add the shrimp, crawfish, or mushrooms if you use them, as well as the pepper strips from earlier. I like to add some clam juice right here if I didn’t use seafood stock earlier.

It should be a yellow/orange gravy at this point. As the rice finishes, stir the remaining garlic and parsley into the gravy. Give it a minute to mellow the garlic, and you’re done. Put it on the rice, and add a cayenne based hot sauce to bring the heat up.

Green onions and parsley are a solid garnish.

I will often salt the minced vegetables while they wait to be added.

It’s cheap and great, and reheats well… The trade off for pricing is the 2 hours you spend stirring.

Variations:

-add sliced jalapeños at the simmering point.

-no garlic, but add cayenne pepper

-no peppers, but increase celery.

-peel your own crawfish, then bake the shells for 25 minutes, and simmer them in a big pot for a few hours to make your own swamp broth. It starts out smelling terrible, but that leaves and you get an awesome stock to use as the base.