Sticking my finger in the barrel of a cops gun so it blows up in their face.

Letting her know I like her by launching my eyeballs out of their sockets and dropping my tongue completely to the floor.

edit: Forgot the old-timey car horn sound.

arOOOOgah!

Hire a bird to paint a realistic-looking tunnel with my workplace behind it on my garage door, and drastically reduce commute times.