I will take a stanza from a song, use the first letter from each word, switch the S to 5 or $ as an example, and make sure I have two uppercase, two lower, two numbers. and two special characters, 8 minimum, although now it runs about 13.

I hum as I type in my password. All I have to remember is how I typed it out.

Come at me, dictionary cracks. The result is bonkers as fuck, but I loved that stanza. I have passwords I have used for 20+ years.

My coworker who sits next to me recently commented to me that I always hum the same tune when I log into my computer. Then he mentioned I hum a different tune when I log into the proxmox.

My sticky note would be like:

computer - Local H

proxmox - Sonic Youth

mail server - Future of the Left

NAS - Faith No More

Inventory - Slothrust

etc.

I use Voyager and it is buggy as shit. So yeah, this was a misthread response. Annoying. Pay no mind. Have a great week!

This was intended for a programmerhumor post.

This never happened. I was a fucking ninja.

The closest I came to something like that was when the customer on someone else’s call heard me, but they were crying with laughter. Fortunately, they only caught me when I roasted someone pretty damn hard.

They also heard me switch gears, and although it drove the tech’s AHT up a bit, it was so funny to her that she asked me out. We ended up dating for three years. (dated the tech/csr, not the customer. The customer was being a Karen until she heard me, and then she changed her tone and the tech’s call went much smoother.)

I worked in all those areas as well as networking. And it only put me in management, which I fucking hate.

Plus side: only have to deal with the CEO. Downside: anytime I try to do what I enjoy doing, I have to delegate the task or at least be training.

So much bullshit of checking on what my team is doing, acting as a liaison and paralegal to work with various vendors, etc.

But hey: I am no longer customer facing and I choose my hours. As long as the projects stay on track, cool.

And I am a pretty good boss to work for. I keep us way ahead of schedule, and when my team says they have nothing to do, I cause a network issue that kills the cameras and tell them to watch a movie.

When the CEO bitches about the network issue, I remind him of how he wouldn’t buy the equipment I recommended and that we should have ran fiber to my team’s building.

Sounds like I am shitty to the company from an HR standard, but if I need something in a pinch, my team will pop in with 200% energy and focus. They like coming to work and don’t dread when I come around.

It was funny when new hires come on and I find they are doomscrolling tiktok on their phones. Man, are we reaching the projected goal date? Then I give no fucks.

As for metrics, because I used to work for a fortune 500 company, I just did what I did then: learn the API, write a script system that opens tickets with plenty of randomized jargon, and close them after a few hours. Dude is just looking at big picture shit anyhow.

I always wanted to work for me, but I think I am a unicorn.

I study linguistics, and ironically, I have no idea what you mean.

The hilarious part was I was recently dating a linguistics TA working towards her masters. The entire draw between us was linguistics.

This is so hilarious to me.

Icing on the cake, my ex-fiancé had her masters in communication.

I went to school for CIS and minored in CS.

So, I am redoing the network at the corporate office. The “networking guru” had ran Cat5e parallel to the power lines.

We were running speed tests on the lines, which were dialup speeds

So their IT team went to lunch, and I used the network cable on the CS major’s computer to test speeds while they were on lunch.

Because it was a pain to get to, and I didn’t know how soon I would need it again, I laid the cable on top of his keyboard.

I used the cable three more times.

So, now I am punching down a keystone when they get back from lunch, and the CS major (god, I watched this in awe) moved the network cable off the keyboard and tried to pull up a site. “THE NETWORK IS DOWN, THE NETWORK IS DOWN!”

The network guru starts to flip and says it is working for him.

By this time, I had gotten up and grabbed the network cable and plugged it back in. “Try again, you should be up.”

“Oh, well, I am more of a software than hardware guy.”

The fucking network cable was on your keyboard.

But this is the same jackass that wrote a program which was very simple but created it with an Installshield wizard and a PDF that just told you to hit next.

It took him a day and a half. By the time we received it, we had already implemented my script. Took me 20 minutes.

Kiddos, this was way before AI.

Separate story; there was a girl who was majoring in CS who was part of a DnD group. She was about to graduate.

She was asking about copper, silver, and gold.

Pretty simple: 100 cp == 1 slv, 100 slv == 1 g

Just orders of magnitude. She just couldn’t wrap her head around it. “That’s too much math.”

Dude, you are in a field based on math.

She disliked me because I said sardonicallu, “you know the difference between a million, a billion, and a trillion? Kind of works like that, with fewer zeros involved.”

Objects are found. We define objects. Then we make words. This seems so simple and people seem to want to make it complex.

The thing I learned from help desk was a profiency at mastering the mute button.

I am pretty sure we came up with DEFINITIONS. Now what does that word mean?

I having been fighting a tide of idiocy my entire life, but it doesn’t mean I will drown in it.

Computer scientists don’t understand this. This is systems.

Seriously, I have met computer scientists who admit they don’t know how the computer works, but simply is processional math.

One dude just got his phD in computer science and admitted to me he cannot even use his phone. Wish I was joking.

Computer science doesn’t mean you know how to a use a computer; astronomers and microbiologists don’t know much about telescopes and microscopes.

And CS students have the dumbest “smart” questions.

Irregardless isn’t even setting off spell checkers. “Without having lack of regard”, fucking what?

Our language is evolving into useless shit, and I despise people who do not respect language and definitions. “Oh, language is evolving!”

Yeah, velociraptors evolved into chickens: how did that shit work out? /being facetious, before someone with poor language skills happens to be a paleontologist snaps back

Wish in one hand, shit in the other, and see which one fills up first.

Happiness is an inside joke. Not everyone is going to get it.

There are more casualties in this world from indecision than bad decisions.

Don’t envy old age. The newspaper will still come out long after you are no longer mentioned. Invest your youth.

The ignorant search for something. The discover demands all he sees makes sense.

We come into this world full of love and fear of losing love. All other emotion is a distraction. This is the base emotion. If you can die without fear and still full of love, you’ve won the game of life.

Man, my friend said he made a web app. He asked me if it would be secure to deploy. I check the front end and immediately check if his formatting was readable.

Two javascript blocks embedded: one was beautified, normal, tabbed out.

The other block was debeautified, which JS developers do so people can’t steal their code (as if that works these days).

I said, “You didn’t make this.”

“Yeah I did!”

“You used AI.”

“But I wrote the prompts!”

"To prompt a computer to steal two separate snippets of javascript from actual developers to achieve the goal.

"Man, this is fine for prototyping, just to demo an idea. But I wouldn’t release this to the public, because if I saw that, I am going to use the tools I already have, and my LLM to speed up the actions, and I will show you how hackable the app actually is.

“You didn’t make a steak. You ordered a steak and got a McRib with carrots.”

He responds, “Does it look ok?”

“Yeah, we can use the css, and we can adjust that as needed, but if your frontend is this sloppy, I wouldn’t release the backend and take customer data. Hell no.”

Epstein Files

All good, I just figured your bathtubs were larger.

Hell, my kitchen sink could double as a urinal, if I were so gross.

I am considered tall. This isn’t a blessing. I would love to be about 5’10".

Well, I can see that in a bath, but I can’t fit in the bathtub. Not due to girth, but height. Loved baths as a kid. Just not an option now.

Agreed! When I condition my hair, I also condition my face. And I also have beard conditioner.

I figure a mirror in the shower would fog like crazy. I leave my bathroom door open when I am showering and expect to shave so the mirrors don’t fog up.

She tried to buy me Taco Bell and she tried to kiss me. She took me back my hotel room. I wanted nothing to do with that crazy shit.

I figured the museum would be saner the next day as her daughter was to join us. She didn’t answer, I shrugged and went.

She texted me the day after. I just blocked her. So it goes.

Oh man, my hair is a deep brown, almost black. It is so obvious if I miss a spot. And it is thick, like cutting a forest down.

I need a mirror and still have to do rub tests. Goddamn trees on my face.

I even went into a laser hair removal place and asked for a quote, and the lady was stunned. She didn’t know how to say it. Yeah, I can’t get away with not shaving and growing a beard sucks.

So I use beard conditioner and hair conditioner to soften it, then use shaving cream and grind on it until I can no longer hear the abrasions of the hair cutting down in my cranium.

And finally, I am ready for the meeting with the client. So I envy you.

Hell, man, I have to shave four hours ahead of time, because my skin is red from the operation. And I have an expensive razor set.

You are lucky.

Well played. You captured the moment with perfection.